Inspiration

So, my posting has been a little (okay, more than a little) sparse lately. I have been caught up in school and everything else, but is that an excuse? I think not. I survived! Yay! But I will be taking time to lay down my thoughts more frequently - perhaps weekly - in addition to whenever i feel inspired. I start a lot of posts, but many lay unfinished. Maybe because I really don't know exactly what to say, or how to say it. But I think I need to learn.

Also, I will be going to Cordoba, Argentina on Saturday (so soon!) and will be starting another blog just for that trip, which i plan on updating every few days or more with my experiences!

http://kelso-en-argentina.blogspot.com/

Ps. i will still update this one, just wanted to make another one with a different topic as to not mix the two.

But no posts there yet. first one will be before I leave, so, within the next few days!

But so long for tonight! It's late (or early, whichever way you want to look at it) and I'm tired. But there are still more posts I haven't finished! Another day...

Before I asked...

So, God totally does know what He is doing, even though most of the time we can't, or won't, see it. I was supposed to go to Mexico last summer, but things worked out so I am going to Argentina this summer, and God definitely knew what was up! I am so happy that I can say that my program contact in Argentina is a Christian and I can go to church with him! Yay!! I hadn't even yet gotten around to praying for a Christian contact there and God put one right in my hands! He is awesome :) Thanks God!! :) Excited that 2 weeks from now I will hopefully have gone to church with him!

Thanks

After big, long hugs from several people, I am reminded that God has truly blessed me. Today, I am thankful for a few specific, older (read: older, not old) in my life who have been instrumental in my faith. 2 women from the vineyard - Joannie and Lisa, and 2 from school - Kiki and Amanda G. These ladies have truly shown me what it is to follow God, and have shown me His love for me, sometimes even when I couldn't see it, and before I even knew what I needed. And have really showed me what a life poured out for God looks like. And I am so thankful God has placed them - among many others - in my life! :)

Pain

I've been thinking a lot about pain lately. Actually, to tell the truth, not thinking about it. Avoiding it. Trying to avoid feeling everything. Why? I don't know. I mean, I don't have very much pain in my life at all - a few things, but nothing major. But before this little bout, I had been thinking about it, in regards to how Jesus sees and treats our pain.

But today at church we talked about embracing pain. Worshiping in the midst of it, actually realizing it, and not blaming God. (See Job 1). And I really didn't want to think about it then, but I actually don't do any of the above, when I am experiencing pain, and I haven't worshiped, realized, or given God the glory when I have been truly joyful lately.

So, in regards to pain, I'd like to share some quotes from Grey's Anatomy, which deal with pain. And scars. And wounds. But also with healing.

From Grey's:

"In surgery, the healing process begins with a cut, an incision, the tearing of flesh. We have to damage the healthy flesh in order to expose the unhealthy. It feels cruel and against common sense, but it works. You risk exposure for the sake of healing, and when it's over, once the incision has been closed, you wait. You wait and hope that your patient will heal. That you haven't in fact, just made everything worse.

The first step toward a real cure is to know exactly what the disease is to begin with. But that’s not what people want to hear. We're supposed to forget the past that led us here, ignore the future complications that might arise and go for the quick fix.

The reality is that pain is there to tell us something.

We have to be willing to pick up that scalpel and make a cut that may or may not do more damage than good.

Not all wounds are superficial. Most wounds run deeper than you can imagine. You can't see them with the naked eye. And then there are the wounds that take us by surprise. The trick with any kind of wound or disease is to dig down and find the real source of the pain - and once you've found it, try like hell to heal that sucker.

People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.

Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future.

Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.

Doesn’t matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that’s the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It’s what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up."

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Whew, that was a lot of quotes. Thanks for sticking with me!

So, maybe the pain is there for a reason. And we definitely have reasons to worship God and give thanks in all circumstances. Pain can definitely be there to make us seek out God. And seek out others and healing. But it won't be solved right quick - it might take a while. Let me pray for patience then, too.

Right now, what I am saying is that I want to actually embrace both the pain and the joy in life, instead of just saying it is okay and moving on like nothing happened. Sometimes you need to cry and go through a whole box of tissues; to laugh so hard that you snort; to smile so much it hurts; to feel completely exhausted, and to wake up without an alarm clock; to be stressed to the max; to squeal with excitement, to cry happy tears; to love with all you have; to risk everything for God and for others.

Will it leave bumps and bruises? Definitely. Cuts and scrapes? A definite possibility. Minor flesh wounds? Perhaps. Scars? Yeah, probably a few. Broken bones? Hopefully not. Anything more serious? I pray not. Broken hearts? Maybe, maybe not. But no matter what, God is with us, and He is who He is - the I AM. And we can be joyful, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances. :) May we experience this! And do it!

Discipleship with Sam

Sidenote: 6 new posts tonight! Also soon to come, open-heart surgery! :)

But back to discipleship:

My friend Sam and I are doing a discipleship program together, as a way to grow closer to God together and to each other. God drew us together through the fact that we both have similar stories of how God has called us from research to medicine, and our common love of medicine and possibly the medical mission field, God willing. We are studying an awesome book, Dr. Jesus, by Dr. David Stevens. It takes a look at Jesus's life as the Great Physician, and how a doctor's life, in part, can model what the Christian life should be. I've recommended this book to anyone and everyone I can! I'm really excited about what God's been doing in each of our lives individually, but also how we are learning from each other. Sam is just a little bit farther along the path than I am, and will be going off to med school in the fall, yay!!! And it has been awesome to share this passion of mine with a friend, and to talk about it and analyze it from a Christian perspective. It has been so encouraging, and although we are not yet doctors, we can apply a lot of his insights to our life now, and also look forward to the time when we, God willing, will be doctors :)