Things I'm digging: (a la Back to Her Roots blog)

1. Memorial day weekend with no plans. I had plans to go to DC to visit a friend, but due to me not feeling so hot on Thursday, I cancelled my plans. I then had time to actually catch up on things without feeling stressed about them. I slept in, cooked, shopped, read, and cleaned. After sleeping, I felt much better. Also, usually, I just manage to stress about things and not do them (silly, I know, I'm working on it), but I actually did them! A much needed break, eliminating stress and sleeping and relaxing. 


2. Speaking of cleaning, I love my purple Platex kitchen gloves! I used to hate doing dishes, and while they are still my least favorite chore, I can handle it because my hands don't get all pruny and smelly. I always thought gloves were weird and unnecessary, and they kind of remind me of my heavy-duty yellow chemistry lab gloves, but they are super useful. Plus, they are the best color in the world - purple! I also really like my dish detergent, making smelly things much better without being too strongly scented. I know it's kind of strange, but I was really appreciating them because this weekend I did a lot of cooking, and therefore a lot of cleaning, in my uber-tiny kitchen. Seriously, it's like a bite size kitchen. Note to self: next time, get a place with a bigger kitchen - or at least one big enough to have drawers and a plug. As I was washing them, I was thinking, "I'm digging these gloves. I should write a blogpost about what I'm digging!" 


3. Speaking of which, next up is the blog Back to Her Roots! That's where I got the idea for my post - she does this weekly. I discovered it the other day and cannot get enough of it. It's a mix of healthy eating, photos, fitness, wellness, her life, and other cool stuff. It has totally inspired me that I can eat healthier, because while I usually try, sometimes my foods are more about convenience (and only slightly-moderately healthy). Admittedly, I did also have an additional part time job until last week, so now I'm feeling like I have a lot more time to be more focused on cooking (and eating!) healthy things. Plus, she's refreshingly real, and pretty funny. And all her food looks so delicious! 


4. My anatomy course. I'm going to Ohio State for medical school in the fall (YAY!!! :)  )  and because of their redesigned curriculum, they require an anatomy course. So, I've signed up for an online class, where I watch prerecorded lectures and do a virtual lab dissection using nifty software. I've done the lower limb so far (pelvis down) and have my first test scheduled Thursday. As always, studying the body always leaves me amazed at how awesomely our bodies were created by the Maker. Every time I study, this is what's going through my mind: 'WOW! That's so cool! So much information ..." on repeat. Also, my professor is pretty funny and tells us relevant interesting facts and Greek origins of words, which I love.  They totally help me understand and study the massive amount of material. 


5. My AmeriCorps friends. They are all pretty awesome and we are coming to the end of our time together. It was nice to have a potluck in the park on Friday! Fresh fruits and veggies, delicious desserts, quinoa x2, Frisbee, and 'memories games'. Although I think it took us a little while to warm up to each other, now I really enjoy spending time with them and even hang out with them outside of the days we already get together for service/training! 


I pretty much just wanted an excuse to talk about these amazing things with the blogosphere, and I was digging the format (get it?!). Besides, I'm not always super deep, and I need every excuse I can get to try and blog more. 


What are you digging? Or are thankful for? 

Book Reviews #3 and #4

Yet another newsletter book review! Again, no free books given to me, although they came from the library, so they were technically free. After I paid my fines. Did you know you can now borrow some newer books in e-format (pdf, Kindle, etc)? 


Check these books out:
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Keith from our April training recommended 2 books by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, "Women Don't Ask" and its sequel, "Ask for It".  This book compiles the research done by the authors on the differences in negotiation between the sexes. Right now, the gender wage gap now stands at 77¢ for women for every $1 that men earn, and these authors research shows that this gap could be eliminated if women negotiated to the same extent as men.

In their first book, Babcock and Laschever discuss cultural, societal, and gender stereotypes and expectations regarding females who negotiate.  According to their research,  women just don’t ask as often, don’t ask as much, and settle sooner than men do.  In addition,  they frequently look to others to tell them what they deserve and when they deserve it. There are a variety of reasons for these results, including females’ socialization and upbringing, stereotypes about both nice women and  bossy women, and a lack of knowledge and skill about negotiating.  However, they have seen that when women are taught these negotiating strategies, they are able to negotiate successfully as frequently and for as much as men.  Women also have a distinct advantages in that they  favor a more collaborative strategy, which produces better outcomes for all, and they make less risky moves or ultimatums in discussions which allows them to successfully negotiate more often.  

In their second book, they detail ways that women can improve their negotiating habits and strategies. They cover why you should ask, what you can ask for (hint: everything!), how to figure out what  or how much you should  be asking for, ways to bargain using what the other side needs, and when and where to ask.

I really enjoyed reading these 2 books. They went very in-depth in this area  to truly explore why women don’t ask, and how to help them. I especially loved that both books were chock-full of story after story of women. These stories provided real-life examples of how negotiations are lost and how they are won, and  both what you can lose when you don’t ask and the great things you can gain through negotiation.   Personally, I identified that I don’t ask for many of their reasons of why women don’t negotiate.  I was also very empowered to begin negotiating and in the last few weeks I have (successfully!) asked for several things I would never have thought to do or have the courage to do before reading these books.  Everyone  - not only, but especially women- should read this book  to understand how what you don’t know is holding you back and how you can  improve your negotiation strategies . It will open you up to a world of opportunities  that are available if you just ask!


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Update: I have begun to take this book to heart. I asked for a free oil change for my inconvenience in coming back to the auto shop - and got it! So empowering. I also wasn't afraid to broach a tricky subject in several conversations now, and have been able to ask for more responsibility in my clinic. I am still a little nervous to deal with financial aid, but I am working up to it. I can't wait to try out many of their suggestions and ask for more things!


How do you feel about negotiating? What are your typical outcomes? And what would you ask for right now if you thought you could get it?

Training - Resume and Interview Tips

So, for AmeriCorps we do trainings as a corps once a month. I wrote up a review of April's training for the newsletter and I thought I'd share it because A, I wrote it, and B, I think there are some super handy tips in here that I wanted to share!


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April Training Highlights

Part of April's Training included a presentation by Keith Caldwell, Director of Career Services and Alumni Affairs for the Pitt School of Social Work.  He spoke  on resume creation, interviewing skills, and negotiation strategies. The presentation was very informative!
Here are my top 5 points from his presentation:

1. Include on your resume any data collection and/or paperwork for grants, that could be a useful skill for future employers.
2. You don’t have to tell your current place of employment that you are searching for a job, and therefore, you don’t have to list them as a reference or can ask for their reference to be held until the last stage of the interviews.
3. Always include a cover letter that details how you heard about the job, your interest in the organization, your related qualifications, and a statement about looking forward to speaking with them about the position.
4. Be prepared for an interview with about 5 key takeaways people should know about you - specifically your experiences or interpersonal skills- with brief examples which you can tailor to include in responses to interview questions.
5. Negotiation is key. Include in your cover letter that your salary requirements are negotiable. You can also always ask for the salary range, and explore other benefits: insurance, savings, family benefits, etc. He also suggested keeping in mind your dream amount,  the lowest amount you’d need to live, and some ladder rungs in between to shoot for.

Go for it! Good luck to all AmeriCorps members who are or will be searching for jobs for after AmeriCorps!

Book Review #2: More on Introverts

I originally wrote this for my Corps Newsletter, and waned to share it. Unfortunately, I did not receive a free copy of the book, so no bribery is involved (although that would be cool - how can I become one of those reviewers?!).

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“Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain

I give this book a 5-star rating! Would you describe yourself as a listener and a thinker? Then this book is for you! As an introvert, this book is revolutionary in our very extroverted society.

Cain digs into the latest research in psychology, sociology, and neuroscience to answer questions about being an introvert – is nature or nurture?  Can people change?  Is it caused by fear? How does one achieve balance?  She explores the challenges for and encourages the benefits of being an introvert across all ways of life: at school, work, and church; and in relationships with a partner, boss, child, and most importantly, with yourself.  Her book is filled with clear non-technical language and intriguing stories throughout the book, making it very accessible to everyone and both easy and enjoyable to read.  Sprinkled in are tidbits of hints and tips for introverts and those who know and love one.

Cain’s debut text provides a welcome voice that whispers softly to an introvert’s soul – “There is nothing wrong with you, and there are others out there like you. Look at these successful people who have gone before you. It is more than ok to be an introvert – it’s great!”

For more information, check out the Introverts’ Manifesto and the other articles on her website:  http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/sixteen-things-i-believe/

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Also, since I initially wrote this post I have discovered more interesting links: 

1. A long (read: 4 pages) Psychology Today article - basics of an introvert

2. Lifehacker tips on how to avoid becoming an introverted weirdo - especially key if you live and/or work alone. 


3. Another article on introverts in church

4. An advice column's look at 'faking it' versus 'being yourself'

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PS: writing for the newsletter has really made me sit down and write more, and I really want to be more disciplined because I love reading and words and blogs etc. Any tips for writing regularly when you don't (necessarily) feel like writing? Topics aren't the problem, I've created a ton of new posts but never really finished them (ok, or even really started some of them other than the title). I've set up a few posts to go up automatically over this week while I try to write some more. Yay, blogging! 

Lies

I don't know about you, but sometimes it is a daily, even momentary fight for truth in my mind. There are lies that silently whisper into my ear, sneak in through my peripheral vision, and easily roll off the tongue of my inner voice. There are thoughts that are my default in certain situations, but are nonetheless simply false. Do you know what I mean? And we must fight for truth from the inside. Or like Ben Stuart of Breakaway ministries has said, "What you think about is what you care about, and what you care about, you will chase." (subscribe to their audio podcast here - do it!!)

How often do I allow myself to be caught up in those untrue thoughts? I criticize myself, over-think things, dwell on mistakes, and compare myself to others.  I doubt God and his love and goodness. I don't stop to give thanks. Far too often.  And how often am I thinking about "what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable... things that are excellent and worthy of praise"? (Phillipians 4:8 NLT) Not enough. But I'm praying that God will continue to teach me how to hide his word in my heart and mind. I beg that he will show me ways I am being deceived by these lies, and that he will speak his truth and love into my life. I pray these things for you as well. 

For it is written: "We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world." Ephesians 6:12. And I especially like verse 10: "Let the mighty strength of the Lord make you strong." I don't have to do this myself. I know I don't have the strength, and I keep trying to make myself strong and failing because I am not drawing from His strength. I am truly in awe of how he helps us:

  "So put on all the armor that God gives. Then when that evil day comes, you will be able to defend yourself. And when the battle is over, you WILL be standing firm. Be ready! Let the truth be like a belt around your waist, and let God's justice protect you like armor. Your desire to tell the good news about peace should be like shoes on your feet. Let your faith be like a shield, and you will be able to stop ALL the flaming arrows of the evil one. Let God's saving power be like a helmet, and for a sword use God's message that comes from the Spirit." Ephesians 6:13-17 CEV. And according to John 10:10, "A thief comes only to rob, kill, and destroy. I [Christ] came so that everyone would have life, and have it in its fullest." 

What are the flaming arrows in your life? How have your shield of faith and your sword of the Word extinguished them?  How is Christ giving you life to the fullest, despite the enemy's attempts to steal and destroy? What do you do to focus your thoughts on Christ throughout the day, particularly when you have a tendency to hear and believe a lie? 

May you be protected with God's armor and made strong by HIS mighty strength. 

265 too many

What would you do if you had huge (and by huge I mean massively ginormous) amounts of money laying around? My alma matter just got a ridiculously huge donation, and while I think it is great that people are willing and able to donate to the school they went to, it also seems like an enormous waste. I mean, what is that money actually going towards?  How is the research conducted going to improve the world? I was privileged to hear a speech today about the Healthy Start initiative, which implements programs in high-need areas to reduce infant mortality, so that babies can live longer, healthier lives. There are 104 sites across the nation, with over 300 cities qualifying for a site (so the demand is 3x more than the resources allow for), and for these sites there is a total federal budget of $100 million dollars -> ~1 million dollars per site. A lot, I know. But the donation that some rich dude just gave to CMU could spread the program to 265 more sites (admittedly for just 1 year, or many more years for less sites) and slash infant mortality, making a real impact on the next generation. Instead of donating to a privileged, wealthy university to do more research (I think?), one could have sustained whole programs, saved thousands, if not millions of lives, or, like fixed poverty or something. I'm just saying. 

What exactly are we treating and/or trying to prevent?

I'm not sure the correct way to say this exactly, but I'm going to do my best. It may seem a little radical, or crazy, to people in the medical professions, but this is what I'm thinking about. 


There are so many articles and studies and statistics that point to childhood trauma, addictions, sexual promiscuity, and many other problems of our time which have a huge impact on the prevalence, spread, and/or treatment of many diseases. For example:


Sexual promiscuity -> STDs, AIDS, Teen pregnancy, single mothers
Divorce, childhood trauma, addictions; & Abuse - Verbal, physical, sexual
-> chronic illness, many stress-related or stress-provoked diseases, mental illness, depression, earlier death


I could go on and on. But so many of our nation's (and the world's) health and psychological problems, and the problems that those problems lead to, can be attributed to unbiblical ways of living and ideals that go against God's design. 


What if, instead of teaching safe sex, 'equitable' divorce, and violence, we taught about Christ and his saving and redeeming power, the biblical model for marriage (sex) and parenting, how to love one another with gentleness and yet with strength, how to stand up for one another instead of put each other down, and ways to cope with stressful situations, anxieties, and fears from a biblical perspective? What if by promoting healthy families, biblical men and women loving and committed to each other and working together to raise children, we were able to prevent so many of these problems today? How about championing Christ's power over any addiction or disease? What if the problems of our society do not just lie in systems and poverty and disease, but in the fact that we are not in a right relationship with God and living according to his principles? What if these things could eliminate divorce, sexual promiscuity, STDs, teen pregnancy and single parents, addictions, and abuse somewhat eliminating poverty, chronic disease, and depression? How much pain and suffering would we preventing? How many programs and projects would we be able to eliminate, thereby saving resources and time to devote to other aspects and others who are more in need?  What if God's way is better, because that is the way it was supposed to be, and actually has a meaningful impact on how much disease and suffering there is in the world? What would happen if we focused on God's ways instead of the world's ways? 


I hope this made some sense - I'm sure I'll post more about it in the future to clarify things. It's basically just a bunch of questions I have about the way medicine, specifically preventative and reactive medicine is performed.  

Thoughts about this generation and our culture

So, my not so little brother is off to college for his freshman year at OU today - wow! Time flies. I'm excited for him, and proud of him, and nervous for him all at the same time. I know how much I learned and changed throughout college, and I hope he has just as great of an experience. I am also praying that he meets some great new friends in his dorm and classes.  

I've been thinking a lot lately about this next stage of life - not a student anymore, but hoping to be again; and an adult but not completely independent. In addition, I have read many books and articles lately about femininity and masculinity, singleness and marriage, and my generation and the one to follow. It's hard because I'm going forward to pursue a demanding career that I believe God is calling me to, and yet at the same time eventually desiring to have a family and honor God in marriage and raising children. I was privileged in Philly to meet several Christian women who are mothers and doctors, which was very encouraging, but they all said it was challenging and takes sacrifices on all sides.  

Reading I recommend: 

• Revelations of a Single Woman: Loving the Life I Didn't Expect - (Book) A lot of her thoughts and concerns resonated with me. 
• The New Eve  - (Book) Interesting ideas of biblical femininity, but found it hard as a single woman to relate to a lot of these 'stages of life'. I also thought it was quite a bit focused on marriage and children, obviously a major part of most women's lives, but in some ways made me feel like I wasn't 'fulfilling my purpose as a woman' because I don't (yet) have a husband or family. 
• A Woman's Guide to Women: A Blog for Men - great blog, very funny, touches on many of these issues
• Thoughts from Fabs - another woman's perspective; some posts are very thought-provoking 
• Make it Mad - male perspective on a lot of these topics, covering such ideas as being a biblical gentleman or lady in our society, dating, singleness, etc. 
• Ally Spots - great young adult woman talking about these issues and many others 
• Relevant Magazine: Why So Many Can't Find the One and this month's article about Christian sexuality and scary statistics about within the young adult generation. 

Audio I recommend: 

• Brook Hills Audio  - Their series on the Next Generation: children, parents, biblical femininity and masculinity, marriage, singleness, and the home. I've really enjoyed their thoughts on how unbiblical masculinity and femininity has invaded our culture, and lies people believe about their gender, marital status, or role in the church. They emphasized that being biblical men and women (and husbands and wives and singles and parents) will teach the next generation about Christ. 
• Breakaway ministries - Can't recommend this one highly enough! Especially their series on the gift of singleness and dating. 

In conclusion, I've really been pondering these topics lately and it seems like a lot of others are too. How have your ideas about gender, sexuality, marriage, and/or singleness been twisted by our culture? How can they be redeemed for God's glory?

  

For me, growing up in a divorced family, I just always said I didn't want to get divorced. But that is a far cry from having a healthy, God-centered marriage, which is how God views marriage. And I've fallen prey to believing the Hollywood tale of romance is how it should be, which isn't true or biblical either. It's also so easy in our culture to not be content with whatever state we are in, and to want something more than we have right now. I have also seen that feminism and striving for women to be exactly the same as men has affected our ideals - not that they aren't equal, but they are different.

Thankfully, God's teaching me a lot about these things and what it means to be a biblical woman who is striving for His kingdom, apart from what the culture is whispering to us everywhere we look. And I mean everywhere.  God never said it would be easy.  Will you join me in praying for our generation in these issues that stand in such contrast to our culture's ideals, and in living with God's Word and plans in mind in these areas in your own lives? 

5 minute Friday - Older

So I meant to do this on Friday, but I the internet had some problems when posting, then I forgot, so it's Sunday but...

Every Friday at The Gypsy Mama, she encourages writing for (only) 5 minutes without stopping or worrying or editing or anything. Every week I've wanted to write, but didn't know what to say, or how to start, or said I didn't have time, but I'm just going for it this week. I found out that if I want to write I need to make time for it, much more than I have been, when I've procrastinated. Anyway, back to the point. Each Friday she posts a topic - this week's topic is "Older." Here goes nothing.

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OLDER

When will I be older? Feel older? Even though I am now a college graduate (AH!) I don't really feel that much older. Sometimes when I go home, it seems like I never left for school, and when I'm at school, it seems like a completely different universe than home.

But I do feel old when I talk to high schoolers or play with little kids, and times when I have to be really responsible. But I have friends from all ages and I feel like I fit in with almost anyone. Time is such a strange concept. And the fact that time can seem to go by quicker or slower than it actually is is also quite weird. Sometimes I feel so pressed for time and other times I feel like I have all the time in the world. Is time what ages us? Or is it life experiences? Something else entirely?

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5 minutes went by really quickly - so that's it! Check back next Friday for next week's '5 Min Friday'!

What makes you feel old? Or young?

I'm an INFJ, what are you?

Side note: I've got a lot to say about a lot of stuff, but it's been difficult to get myself to sit down and write. I'm learning that it takes discipline and practice. So look forward to several posts coming up soon!

Book Review & Discussion!

About a week or so I finished a very intriguing book, Introverts in the Church, which I read because I am an introvert and in the church, and based on the recommendation of another introvert and who has the same birthday as me, Nettie, at Nothing but Nettie - check out her review and blog!

My background in psychology has always had me interested in personality studies and I'm always up for learning more about myself and the way we behave. One such theory about personality is that by famous psychologists Jung, Briggs, and Myers for categorizing people into different personality types based on one's degree of 4 different aspects:

• Extroverted vs Introverted - one's energy source
• Sensing vs Intuitive - one's information source
• Thinking vs Feeling - one's decision-making process
• Judging vs Perceiving - one's daily lifestyle

According to the quiz I took, I'm an INFJ - introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging.

Check out this page for more information on the test itself and here for more information on the different personality types. And take the test yourself if you don't already know your type HERE! And remember, all types are equally as valid. And please come back and share!

Anyway, back on the topic of the book ... I found it to be like reading my thoughts on the page. Sociability does not equal spirituality. Oftentimes, being around a lot of people is kind of mentally exhausting - not that I don't like people, because I do, it just takes energy. I like to reflect, and write, and think about things, mulling them over before sharing. I also get nervous when speaking under pressure, and my mind feels like it goes blank. The book had a lot of good information about small groups, retreats/events, and even typical church services, with many suggestions for incorporating more introverted-friendly pauses or activities. Simple things, like a reflection time or individual prayer or study times, or the pressure not to have to do every activity or type of outreach. It talked a lot about cultivating your own relationship with God and with close friends, and ways of using your skills to reach out to people and those within the church in your own way - I very much agree!

And check out his blog, Introverted Church if you are interested in learning more, and about more varied topics like various professions, parenting (no, I'm not a parent, but I still find it fascinating to read about), etc, and I would recommend that everyone reads the book, either to learn more about yourself or about others and how to love them well.

What's your personality type and thoughts on this topic? Have you heard or thought of this before? Is what you are doing in the church and in the rest of your life reflective of your strengths, no matter what they are?

Cost-Benefit Analysis

Lately I've been pondering the idea of cost-benefit in terms of medicine and research. We've been talking about healthcare and poverty and injustice in my medical anthropology class (love it!) and have been analyzing different systems of medicine. There is such this disparity in the United States between the rich and the poor, and many, many people somewhere in between with varying levels of income. Our medical system is great in that if you have some rare disease, or an extreme condition (trauma, preemie babies), then you are getting the best care no matter what the price (and the price is really steep). On the other hand, there are millions (MILLIONS) of people who do not have any type of healthcare, and the majority of them also live below the poverty line.
And I don't know what to think about this. I don't want to say, x person doesn't get treatment but y does, but that is what we are doing now in some ways, at a great expense to our medical system. We've also been talking about how power struggles and political decisions shape our culture and therefore our medicine, and I think these issues play a huge role in the way medicine is practiced and the quality of care that is available.

No matter how much education people get, if they can't actually apply the knowledge because of their circumstances, how much help is it? How much is this going to cost us? I've never been a business person but I've been wondering if what we are doing is effective. Do I want to have to be a part of practicing this system, and what does my ideal look like? Is this possible on a large scale? With people of all kinds of beliefs, including mine in God?

I've also wondered for a long time if the money that went into research and some really expensive innovative treatments could be better spent elsewhere, maybe in prevention and policy reform, and could thereby eliminate the need for the treatment? Personally, that's why I want to be more involved in the providing of medicine and not the development of medicine. I also don't want to get to that place where I feel like I'm overwhelmed by need, because every little thing makes a difference. We don't live in an (my) ideal world, and sometimes I don't know how to grapple with that either. I don't want it to sound like I'm ranting, because I'm not, I've just been processing these things that I really do care about. These are bigger issues than I've never thought about before, and they are challenging me and inspiring me to dig into issues and think deep things and post about it on here!

Soul Junk

Do you ever feel like you have accumulated junk in your soul? Not literally of course, but things we like to call baggage, or stresses, or whatever is weighing you down? I feel that way occasionally, and the only way for me to fix it to clean my spaces. Usually, I feel this way after the semester has been pretty rough, and I haven't stopped to put away laundry, clean the piles off my desk, empty the trashcan, clean out my wallet, ... you get the point.

Something I've been thinking about lately is that physical stuff actually hinders my mental space. A pile of school papers too high on my desk makes that space unwelcoming and therefore unused, making for a less productive me. Too much stuff in my backpack or purse literally makes me carry around unnecessary things. A large pile of laundry seems so much more intimidating than a medium-sized pile. I also feel like when stuff is put in its proper home, it is enough for me to know where it is, not just to see it.

Mentally, a ton of stuff on my to do list clutters my head, but I do know that as long as I write them down I will not forget about them and can stop constantly thinking about them. {Side note: this is why I have paper/my iPod next to bed so I can list these things that pop up as I try to sleep. This also might be why when I get bored in class, I will make lists. I love lists.} Too many tasks going on at once gets nothing done quickly or efficiently. This is the hardest one to remember - I am multitasking even as I write this and wishing I could also be working on like 4 other things. I am torn between just switching tasks and completing the other one so I can feel less distracted by it, and finishing the task at hand. Still a toss up, but currently this one is winning!

Spiritually, there is a lot of stuff that I would like to read/write/say that sometimes it gets cluttered in my head. Making lists of what I want to do helps too - I currently have like 30 topics I would like to post about. Ironically, I keep posting about current things. Hopefully one day I will get to that backlog. And I have like 10 books to read.

So, is your physical space a reflection of your soul space? And/or vice versa? Some people think your desk affects how you are viewed at your job: Your Desk Job. Last week it was empirically discovered by these people that physical clutter negatively affects your focus. Hmm. As a quasi-messy person, {read: It may look like a mess but I to me it makes sense and I could find it quickly!} I have been pondering this because I do think my space reflects my mind/soul and then this space affects my mind/soul. And the right kind of reminders are necessary - things I need to take somewhere, work to do. But maybe their place isn't at my workspace, but its own space, where it's not occupying so much of my mind.

So I'm working on keeping my soul and my spaces free and uncluttered, even if it means not doing other things, because it makes for a happier, more focused self. And I am free to think about interesting things instead. Like why I'm cleaning. Or on Him who cleanses me. :)

Procrastination? Distraction?

I'm trying to write a paper about how biomedicine (aka US medicine) and personalistic medicine (aka shaman healings) can benefit from each other. And I'm having the hardest time writing it. Because I would much rather be writing this, so I'm just going to write this and then turn back to the work. Maybe then I could focus on what the prompt asks me to write about, and not all these things that I want to include but that are not at all part of the paper.

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I want to write about how I see the world as spiritual. Not in the sense that everything is a god, but that God created everything. That mind, soul, heart, and strength are not separate from each other. I want to say that I believe in this type of medicine that may be classified as personalistic but what does that really matter anyway?

What I really want to talk about is how for me, faith and medicine are so deeply connected that I wonder if I should just go into 'ministry' and then I think, medicine is my ministry. People are searching for healing, and where better to find it than at your doctor's office? I just want to write that medicine is ministry and ministry is medicine and why is there a boundary? This true, deep healing is desperately lacking in our medical system which believes that everything must be based on what we can see. Do we really have any faith at all? Because everything that is seen was formed by a God who cannot be seen by this naked eye. But the Son expresses the very nature of God (Heb 1:3) - and when we look at Christ we see the Father (John 14:9). He is seen! I digress. But science and our culture has this idea that this physical world is all there is and with all my heart I have to disagree.

Because who says the supernatural, all-powerful God doesn't have complete control over this earth and everything in it? That disease and microbes are part of God's creation and yet at the same time can be used by the enemy to tempt us to doubt God's goodness. I am crying out to say that relationships are what matters more than the physical. To say that all of creation waits and groans because the relationship of all of humanity to God was irrevocably broken that day in the garden. That because of this we are broken people who hurt each other, who believe the lies about who we are, causing us to act out of self-love and not other-love. We are completely unworthy of approaching this perfect God and we know it. We know that this hurt and pain are not how it should be. Our souls are longing for something that can only be satisfied by this endless, infinite God and not with all these measurable, physical things that we can see.

I long to say that God is beauty, perfection, harmony, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, peace, love, joy, patience, gentleness, unity, trinity ... must I go on? These characteristics that we all seek and all deem as good (because we do have knowledge of good and evil) are found in this God. Who sends his Spirit to be in all of us! And by his Spirit we can love one another. And if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us (1 John 4:12), and Christ this unseen God is seen!

I want to say that you were created for more than this world. That the supernatural does exist and it is real and there is a war being waged for your soul. That even once you fight on God's side the war isn't yet over, and yet Christ has already triumphed over evil! That your God is fighting for you and sent the best weapon to take out the enemy by triumphing over death. I want to say that pills are not the answer and even if you have no physical pain, you cannot tell me you have no emotional pain. That on your best day there is still the question of is there more than this? What happens when all that you can tangibly want is yours? That living even one more second on earth will not take away your fear of death unless you trust that Christ has paid the price and you can have eternal life if you trust in him.

I want to say that the world does not need more medicine, what they need is more knowledge of Christ. And I plan to bring it by way of medicine. How do you classify that?

So, this week, this non-profit in Kansas that I really like, Hospitals of Hope, posted a job opening on Facebook. They are a really cool Christian medical relief organization, and work mainly in Latin and South America. Their work is really similar to that of Global Links, the non-profit I work at here. So, I checked out the job requirements, and since they didn't require any experience, I sent in my resume! I got an email back, asking me for an additional writing sample - a blog post trying to raise support for a relief organization providing relief to Japan.

As a result, I began to research different relief organizations. I wanted something that was Christian, and had medical aid programs, since these are things I am passionate about. Somehow, I came upon Samaritan's Purse, an organization similar to Compassion and World Vision, which donates aid and supplies in Jesus' name. I am also really excited about their medical aid opportunities - they send many medical missionaries, and you can donate directly to this medical aid or in support of the medical missionaries. In addition, they send people directly out of residency into the mission field for 2 years - fully supported! Even if I don't get this job (now or ever), I am super excited about finding this out about Samaritan's Purse!! And their 'gift catalog' is so cool too!

I also just wanted to share the sample blog post I submitted (and encourage you to donate to Samaritan's Purse Japan aid fund!):

Blog for Samaritan’s Purse Aid Relief for Japan

On March 3, 2011, Japan experienced a devastating 9.0 earthquake which subsequently caused a tsunami. To date, there are over 24,000 people dead or missing. In addition, hundreds of thousands of people were displaced from their homes Japanese officials are estimating the damages to be up to US $309 billion dollars. The need for aid is astounding.

Samaritan’s Purse is a US-based international relief organization which gives aid in the name of Jesus Christ. They provide emergency relief, medical aid, education, and development programs to countries all across the globe. They are striving to fulfill Jesus’ call about the Good Samaritan who had mercy on his neighbor and showed him compassion: “Go and do likewise” (Luke 10:37 NIV). They recently donated 93 tons of aid to Japan, which was distributed toward local churches there. Through this, Samaritan’s Purse has been able to share the Good News about Jesus Christ with many people in Japan, providing them with hope in His kingdom which will never be shaken (Isaiah 54:9-10, Hebrews 12:28).

Will you act like a neighbor to Japan, showing them love and compassion through aid in Jesus’ name? Will you pray with us that God would use this to bring people to himself and heal both their physical and spiritual needs? Will you partner with Samaritan’s Purse in the mission of spreading Christ’s name throughout the globe? Will you give to further His kingdom which will not be shaken? To donate, please visit:

https://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Giving/Project_donations?pc=13953

Reading & Listening

What I'm browsing:

Because all life flames with God -- hands down my favorite author. Great blog.

Got Questions

Blue Letter Bible

Shannon Primicerio Blog

Science Daily

GE Healthy Imagination

You Version Online Bible

Organizations I care about:

Hospitals of Hope

Global Links

Christ Community Health

Compassion

AmeriCorps

What I'm Reading:

Radical by David Platt

One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

Believing God by Beth Moore

Hebrews (in small group)

What I'm Listening to:

Breakaway Podcasts by Ben Stuart -- love love love. I cannot recommend it enough.

Blessings by Laura

Audio Bible

may you be encouraged and challenged and inspired today :)

Starting Over ... Again

I'm not sure what the next year will hold. I mean, none of us can ever really be sure, but I've applied to a ton of different AmeriCorps positions across the US. They are kind of like the PeaceCorps, except in the US, so I'd be working at a nonprofit for a 1-year term. All the while, I'll be applying to medical schools, mostly in the east half of the US. While I'm excited about being done with school (for now), and about starting something new, at the same time I am terrified. I don't want to start over again. But I do - I'm excited for new experiences and challenges. But I don't want to have to make new friends again. And find another church. And learn a new town. Life at college has seemed so permanent because it is home and yet so temporary because each year, and even each semester brings different people, different classes, and a different living space. There are people who have graduated and moved on, but it feels like they were just here. Come May, I get to become one of those people yet again. But the strange thing is if I visit, the people won't just not be the same, they won't even be there. We'll be spread back across the states and beyond, going back to both new and old places. But I want to keep life just as it is. I don't want to have to go through all the effort it takes to become comfortable in a new place again. I know I have made lifelong friends, and that there is always the internet, but it wont feel the same. Again. And I'm scared of being alone in this great big world.

But I desperately want to trust in Christ's plan! Mercifully he calms my fears each day and reassures me that I just have to chase after Him. May I continually do so and follow His perfect lead.

Consider the Bonsai Trees

So, I was considering the hypothetical lilies at the botanical garden and they had an exhibit there featuring bonsai trees, and I found this sign interesting:

Bonsai: cultivating miniaturized trees to reflect the style of full-sized mature trees

- rigor and discipline in pruning & training to achieve overall vision

- the pot is chosen for the tree

In that moment I just saw myself as that tree. I may not be fully mature, but God has been shaping me and pruning me because he has this overall vision for my life. It does take discipline, and years, and requires training. But I'm in the environment that I'm in because it fits with the overall vision for my life. I'm here at CMU for a reason. I was born into this family for a reason. And it's all part of shaping me into who I'm meant to be.

Other thoughts:

The smooth, pretty rocks are the ones shaped by the waves.

Plants rely on photosynthetic energy from the light, and grow towards it.

My prayer - May I be growing towards the light, recognizable by my fruit, and reflecting my roots.

Why Blog?

I can't believe my last post was 10 months ago, in May! Why don't I write more? Do I really have anything to say? I was asked yesterday if I would ever blog again - so I decided to think about it (in all my free time I have during spring break), and blog about it! [Thanks Ben!] Do I just feel guilty for not posting? Maybe.

I think during this time, I didn't feel like I had a lot to say, in general. I didn't really feel like I was learning anything, didn't feel like I had anything to share that would be worthwhile. Because honestly, I was ignoring God in a lot of ways. I didn't want to acknowledge some things I hadn't fully handed over to him, and I didn't want to give up control. I wasn't listening like one ready to be taught, although I wanted to be, I just didn't completely know how. I didn't want to risk it, didn't want to try. I didn't want to cease striving because I had known nothing else. The unknown is pretty scary. So, I stopped journaling, I stopped blogging, I stopped preparing for small group (our campus pastor made the handouts we used instead). Suddenly, or maybe not so suddenly, I felt like I wanted to be close to God but I didn't know how, and I didn't know if it was worth the effort it might take.

However, after much resistance on my part, and an extreme amount of grace on His part, I began to really desire to know Him, and to see that He truly is better than all the things I was (am) striving for, began to listen to Him. I feel like I have learned so much over the last 8 weeks that I really don't know where to begin! But I am so excited about what He is doing in my life. I do feel like I have things to say now, and am preparing for small group now (with Natalie, the other women's small group leader), and I am just excited to study and learn about Christ.

So my main point of this entry is why do I write? Why do I blog? What is the difference between blogging and journaling? Right now, I'm not really sure. There is something unique about putting thoughts down into words, making myself slow down and form coherent sentences, that is powerful. Do I want to gain the approval of the 4 of you that read it? Maybe. Would I do it if I knew no one was going to read it? I hope so - I know I would write down some thoughts, but to this extent? I'm not sure. I truly do want to share what I've been learning and thinking about and questioning. Is this the right forum? I share in my campus fellowship and with a few close friends - should I do more? Is it too personal? How do I be this real in real life? Am I? Sometimes, but not always. Yeah, I feel like I express myself better in writing, but does it need to be public? Somehow, it's always easier to write in a blog than to say these things directly. Even though you all know me, the internet is just this nebulous place where I can put my thoughts without any repercussions - is that what I should be doing?

I'm going to write some posts, but not publish them right away, to try and understand my motivations, thoughts, and what I'm really trying to say. And hopefully, you'll these posts soon - really do like to think and write. And not just when I'm on break or questioned about posting again :)

Got my 'big girl' license :)

So, I went to the license bureau today (Thursday the 20th) to renew my driver's license because it expires tomorrow (technically I suppose today, at the time of writing...) on May 21st on my 21st birthday! As i was getting ready to go, and looking at my old license, I began to ponder about how much I have changed in the last five years. Wow, that's a long time. I can remember waiting at the Berea DMV, before it closed, to get my picture taken for my license.

Then:















Now:














Analysis:
I have the same crazy awesome curly hair, except now it is cut a little differently, after I found my hairdresser who knows how to cut curly hair and gave me some tips on how to manage it. I still wear hoop earrings, but they are much smaller. I can't really tell, but I think I had braces back then, and I don't now. I've perfected my signature a little bit - it's not as 'fresh-looking' as I think the original is. And, I decided to be an organ & tissue donor. I've known that for a while, but when I was sixteen and they asked me all I said was "I don't know." So, they put that as a no. But I know for sure that I do now. (Public service announcement! Do it! It can save tons of lives!) Other than that, I look pretty much the same. No name/address/physical characteristic change, and it is still issued in the great state of O-H ... I-O. And I still drive the same car (no, it doesn't have a name).

But I also know I am not the same person inside. I'm five years older... which is a huge 23.8% of my life (as of now)! I've driven the streets of Berea and northeast Ohio, graduated from high school, survived 3 years at CMU. And in less than 48 hours I will be on a plane to spend the summer abroad. Crazy! At the same time, the years seem to just fly by. I can remember those times, back in high school. And I'm thankful for the ways I've grown and changed - I have matured, learned life lessons, made new friends, gone through different experiences.

I'm exited to see where I will be in 4 years, when my license expires again, when I will be 25 years old. God willing, I will hopefully be in medical school, on my way to becoming a doctor. And who knows what other crazy things? I'll have spent a summer in Argentina, graduated from CMU, and after that... I'm not sure! But we will see and I will trust in God's plan for me. And, at the risk of sounding morbid, if I don't live to see that day, then Christ will have come to take me home and I'll be there singing His praises, and hopefully a few lucky people will have some new (O+, Rh+(i think), HLA type?) organs or tissues. ;) Or, I guess I could have switched states and gotten a new license which expires at a different time. Huh.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to me! I'm officially legal now and therefore have no more 'important' birthdays until my 30th... or so they say. :D

Peace!

Inspiration

So, my posting has been a little (okay, more than a little) sparse lately. I have been caught up in school and everything else, but is that an excuse? I think not. I survived! Yay! But I will be taking time to lay down my thoughts more frequently - perhaps weekly - in addition to whenever i feel inspired. I start a lot of posts, but many lay unfinished. Maybe because I really don't know exactly what to say, or how to say it. But I think I need to learn.

Also, I will be going to Cordoba, Argentina on Saturday (so soon!) and will be starting another blog just for that trip, which i plan on updating every few days or more with my experiences!

http://kelso-en-argentina.blogspot.com/

Ps. i will still update this one, just wanted to make another one with a different topic as to not mix the two.

But no posts there yet. first one will be before I leave, so, within the next few days!

But so long for tonight! It's late (or early, whichever way you want to look at it) and I'm tired. But there are still more posts I haven't finished! Another day...